Q. I am a new member of MentorCONNECT and I am interested in matching with a mentor. How do I do this?

A. The first step is to make sure that you have been approved to join as a mentee member. Only mentee members can match with one of our caring volunteer mentors (your Welcome Email will say what level of membership you currently are approved for). For more information about requirements for Mentor, Mentee, and General Support membership, click HERE.

The next step is then to visit the Find A Mentor page and, using the login/password that was issued to you when you joined, access the profile information for our caring volunteer mentors. When you locate the mentor you wish to work with, simply click on the "CONTACT (their name)" button at the end of their profile to email them and request that they become your mentor.

Q. I've been out of treatment for almost five months now, and doing pretty well aside from a few ups and downs. I'm doing ok following my meal plan and have a good routine/schedule, but I'm finding that I'm isolating too. I struggle when I go out/hang out with some friends and if I'm not in control of when I can eat, or if I'm feeling down about something, then it's hard to be around others. Sometimes it's just easier to be by myself so I can control the situation. My treatment team wants me to start challenging myself more, but I'm really afraid that I'll set myself up for disaster, so I've been playing it safe. Any tips?

A. Playing it safe is what got you in this fix in the first place, isn't it? An eating disorder, with its biological origins and continual environmental triggers, offered each of us a black-or-white answer to the grey questions we face. For awhile, this simplicity worked for us.

But anyone who has maintained a self-described recovery regiment for FIVE MONTHS following inpatient treatment has had it with simple solutions to complex issues. You are ready - you are willing - and you have proven that you are able. Far from setting yourself up for disaster you have actually been setting yourself up for success - it is inspiring to read how much you have done to help yourself get better, and how willing you are to continue working and reaching out even when you feel yourself isolating!

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Q. I have been working on full complete recovery from ED for 23 yrs. I have always reached the functional and physical health point but never got beyond that. How can I remind myself that there is more and how do I prevent myself from taking one step forward and one step back resulting in the status quo?

A. In my own experience, I have found that impatience is the biggest obstacle to recovery progress. It is so difficult to wait - we can see more, we know others who have gone further and achieved more, and yet here we are....still plodding along. This is why comparisons do NOT work. Our journey is unique, just like the reasons why we developed our eating disorder and the reasons why we want to get better are unique.

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Q. My mentor and I have been working together, but it just isn't working out well. I don't know why. We seem to argue instead of connecting around important issues, and I am not sure mentoring is for me. What should I do?

A. Mentoring is not an exact science. First and foremost, it is a relationship, and like any relationship, there must be a certain "chemistry" that will indicate it is a good fit. But it is also this very aspect that makes mentoring such an invaluable part of the recovery process! Building healthy, proactive, open and honest communication and relationship skills is critical to sustaining recovery. Even when the partnership between you and your mentor is not ideal, it still offers you a safe space to practice addressing conflict, problem-solving, even transition away from one mentoring relationship and into another if that is what you both decide is best.

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