How to stay motivated in recovery
Friday, April 23, 2010 at 03:28PM It seems that half of my life, so 9 years cause I am 18, I have been in treatment of one sort or another. I have found freedom briefly for almost 2 years and then lost a lot of motivation to fight as hard and to push through it all again. I put a mask on and developed this role as either being healthy or sick. I am struggling with hanging onto the healthy part when all I want to do is recover. So my question is has that really ever happened to you where you do so well and are motivated then lose it? Also do you have any ideas on how to stay motivated and determined so I don't fall into the sick role again or so I don't put the mask on? I have been doing ok for a while but feel I am sitting on a fence and could fall either way. Thanks!
Thom's RESPONSE:
I happen to know the young woman asking this question, from our Beyond Eating Disorders Retreats, so before I responded, in true therapist form, I sent the question to her, asking if she would help me to answer the question. This is what she wrote:
There have been many times in my recovery that I have been really confident about the choices I was making. Life is a journey and it throws all sorts of things at you. Many times in my recovery, thus far, I have not handled situations in the best way. At times when I was younger, early on in my recovery, I was inexperienced in maintaining motivation and being mature about it. I think recovery has helped me mature. Motivation, for anyone I think, comes and goes. No one is always completely eager and motivated to do anything and everything they need to. But as I think as far as recovery first of all, you can't take breaks. There are no breaks in recovery. For me when I started doing well and stayed out of the coping behaviors and majority of thoughts for the first time is when I actually stopped seeing my dietitian, stopped therapy, and got off all my meds on my own. I figured, "Hey, I am better and over the hump. I can do this on my own. It is a waste of time now." I was so wrong. Not only did I end up relapsing but I fell harder and faster than I ever imagined. I fell further back then where I was. This hit me hard and I learned from this I was not recovered yet and that I needed support still. Even though I was doing good, I have found out that those are the times I use my support to the best of my advantages. I got motivated because I realized this is not what I wanted in my life. I didn't want to always be bouncing back from doing really well to horrible. I wanted to change and I wanted freedom. This doesn't come to say that I haven't had hiccups along the way but they aren't anything I can't choose to climb over and keep on walking. I have support now and I use it. I trust people enough now to take risks and not put a mask on and hide. Running away from my problems have always increased the complexity and depth of them. So I don't run. I walk right up to them, stare them in the face, if they hit me I hit back and I win. I always have the last word. I define who I am, not Ed, not anyone else. I have had to learn to be patient in life --- with recovery, with others and myself.
Some ways, besides my support system, which I now call a "safety net," that I stay motivated is that I journal daily on anything that is on my mind: struggles, feelings (positive and negative because feelings can not hurt you, only what choices and actions you take can), I have a list of accomplishments that I put anything I feel is a milestone small and large and I don't just focus and say I have to eat, maintain weight etc to recover and be happy rather I focus more on being who I am and what I enjoy without Ed. I focus on what Ed took away from me and work on gaining those friendships and other relationships back. I work on finding activities I love to do and do those. I also work on building more in my life. I work on making new healthy and trusting relationships and I work on finding new things about myself and my life that I enjoy and try to include that. All of this has really helped me in regards to staying motivated in my recovery and has kept me on the green side of the fence full of laughter fun and freedom. It is hard work. but if it were easy it probably wouldn’t be worth doing; if it is difficult, it probably is worth my efforts.
So there you go. I hoped this helped somehow. Wow. Yea good question though.
WHAT THOM HAS TO ADD:
It is an essential part of our recovery that we be willing to reach out and ask questions of others who have more experience than we do. We must never let pride or shame (two sides of the same coin) stop us from reaching out. Having said that, I offer the questions and response above to make the point that it is also a good idea to ask ourselves some of the hard questions. Next time you have a tough question about recovery, in addition to asking others for input, sit down and write a response from your own inner-wisdom.
Now, to see if I have anything to add to the questioner’s response to her own question. I like the realistic point of view that no one ever remains 100% highly motivated at all times, and that she juxtaposes this with the essential principle that there are no breaks in recovery. I will add that, in my experience, motivation does not just come and go at random. There are many variables involved, and we are responsible for keeping an eye on our own level of motivation. It is like using the gas gauge in your car: don’t wait until you are running on empty; if you do, you risk running out of gas. To help manage and maintain motivation, I have a little one page checklist of the essential ingredients in strong motivation. It is called simply, “Motivation: 5 Essential Ingredients,” and you can find it on the free download page of my web site: http://www.nutshellwisdom.com/books/default.asp?page=downloads
As the young lady said to herself in her response, I hope this helps somehow.
Thom Rutledge
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