ANSWER: Thank you for writing to let me know where you are in your recovery journey. I appreciate your question very much, and your honesty in sharing where you are stuck and what you need help with.

Ok, so first things first. You may already be aware of this, but your success in recovery isn't about whether the treatment team/rehab clinic you have is doing their job. It is about whether you are really doing YOUR job in uncovering the underlying reasons why you stay stuck, and why staying stuck may be preferable to waking up recovered with nothing to live for.

If I asked you right now what the #1 motivation you have to live for is, what would you say? Why are you wanting to recover? What are you losing out on by staying in your ed? What are you afraid you will (or won't) find out about yourself when your ed is no longer your primary focus? What do you want so badly that you'd rather never reach for it at all than find out you can't have what you dream of? In these questions you will find the clues you need to figure out why you keep relapsing. Recovery really begins when you start asking the right questions, and working harder than you've ever worked before to thoroughly answer them and take action around the answers you come up with.

If you've had success in OA before, also look at that recovery process and ask yourself what worked, what didn't, and how you found success despite your urges to relapse. Then, whatever it was that worked for you about the OA program, add more of those elements into your current recovery program.

I have a rather unique perspective to offer the women I work with, because I never had the benefit of a formal in or outpatient treatment program to recover from my anorexia and bulimia. Which both means my recovery took longer than some others I know, and also means I am living proof that if you want it bad enough, ANYONE can recover. But you have to be willing to walk a tightrope without a safety net to get to the other side. There is, as you have probably discovered by now, no easy way to get through the recovery journey. There is only one way - the hard way. But if you persevere and keep getting back up, you will achieve success. Failure equals not getting back up. Period. If you keep getting back up no matter how many times you fall down in your recovery process, you are still on the road to success. Recovery takes the time it takes. And it takes a lot of patience and self-compassion. When you fall, you must just get back up again and not waste time feeling ashamed or guilty. Just learn the lesson, get back up, and keep on going.

Shannon

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