No Room for Fat

I was shopping in my all-time favorite secondhand store the other day. I was not alone in my enthusiasm – to my left, hovering near the shoe racks, I overheard a woman commenting excitedly to her friend, ‘I just love the shoes here – my feet never have a ‘fat day’!’

If we are being factually honest, our bodies don’t either. ‘Feeling fat’ is, nearly 100% of the time, ‘all in our head’. Beholding ‘fat’ in the mirror is usually nothing more, nor less, than a gleam in our eating disordered mind’s-eye.

Which means that being ‘fat’ is, quite literally, a state of mind.

And it is no way to live. ‘Fat’ is a waste of a perfectly good life.

I have several close girlfriends who, over the last few years, have gotten married. In the months, and then weeks, and then days, leading up to the ‘big day’, the topic of conversation I still remember most vividly is always the one that began with, ‘I just need to lose 5/4/3/2/1 more pound(s)….’

In my recollections as a frequent bridesmaid, and thus close confidante to the various brides-to-be, rarely did the subject arise concerning fears, worries or concerns about money, intimacy, in-laws, honeymoon plans, wedding day snafus, pre-marital counseling conflicts, the inevitable alcoholic relative showing up and ‘doing their thing’ at the reception, second thoughts, jitters, old boyfriends/girlfriends awkwardly reappearing, or any of the host of otherwise very normal attendant concerns. No, the subject foremost on their minds steadfastly remained, ‘How will I look in my wedding photos? Will I look ‘thin’? Will I look ‘thin enough'?

For that matter, never do I recall a discussion where the precise definition of ‘thin enough’ was ever settled upon. We all knew what that meant. And none of us knew exactly what that meant. And we each knew better than to press the point.

Interestingly, however, within one to five years following their weddings, all of these brides have gained weight. Have they settled down – is that what ‘settling down’ means? (I have always wondered.) Have they settled in – to their new life, to their reassurance that they are loved and committed to - not for the shape of their bodies, but for the shape of their hearts? In fact, each bride, now wife, is still stunningly beautiful. The slight weight gain I have observed has only added to their allure, their charm, their attractiveness. Somehow, in becoming willing to ‘fill out’ on a physical level, it appears that they have become willing to fill out on a mental and emotional level as well!

In fact, the more I think about it, I can see how each married friend of mine now glows – with new life, with regular daily infusions of love and care shared between husband and wife, with the knowledge that life contains the promise of so much more than just ‘fat’.... As the space between two hearts narrows, then disappears….it would appear that there is simply no time, or room, for ‘fat’ in a life filled with love.

This is why I say that ‘fat’ is a waste of a perfectly good life. It is what I call mis-directed potential – when we gather up, and channel, all of our considerable intellect, energy, creativity, resourcefulness, discipline, passion and perseverance, and point it at perfecting the art of disordered eating.

Each of us can fall prey to the very natural desire to look our best when a holiday, big day, or ‘the’ big day, arrives. This is normal – this is to be expected. But marriages, friendships, relationships (including the relationship we foster with ourselves), are not built to last by successfully preserving one big moment with a perfect ‘day-of’ photo. Rather, they are formed, maintained and deepened over shared meals, shared thoughts, shared moments, shared lives. They are ‘fattened up’ with the good stuff of life – the unself-conscious bikini-clad plunge into the swimming pool with our kids, the cheese n’ chili (or tofu) dogs at the amusement park, the spontaneously sun-bright and candlelit moments of life, when the full impact of our beauty can only be accessed through the unfiltered, unfettered, unre-touched and utterly unique light in our eyes.

Warmly,

Shannon

If you would like to submit a question or idea for a topic you would like to see addressed in a future edition, please send it to Shannon c/o Good News HERE