QUESTION: i saw your video on youtube and it was very inspirational. I am currently suffering with anorexia and bulimia i have been battling it for nearly 2 years now, it’s so hard i don’t know what to do........... Like some people i don’t have my family supporting me or helping me get through it.

ANSWER: I recommend a four-step approach to overcoming eating disorders. Before beginning that process, however, it is VITAL to ensure that you are medically stable. By that I mean, that you have the baseline physical nutritional requirements met so that your brain and emotions are stable and lucid enough to embark upon the rest of the recovery journey in a way that will build your confidence and hope, rather than tear it down. So the FIRST issue is to seek out a medical professional who is familiar with eating disorders who can give you a comprehensive medical evaluation, and highlight any areas of immediate concern that need to be addressed (electrolyte levels, etc).

Next, I can offer you the four-step process that worked for me. In retrospect, the process appears quite simple. Going through it, however, was quite another experience! I was like the blind leading the blind…and I was all alone doing it, since, like you, I did not have family or friends who understood or were equipped to walk with me. Today, I have a close relationship with my family and many wonderful friends, but it was MY willingness to embark upon a solo recovery journey over no journey at all that led me to this place.

These are the four steps:

• Find a key to life, and choose it over your eating disorder. This entails identifying something you want more than the eating disorder – a life goal. Then, you must CHOOSE. Which will it be? The ED, or your key to life? In this step, you are not attempting to do the impossible – shed your eating disorder overnight with the power of your choice. Rather, you are simply SETTING THE INTENTION like a compass pointing at the north star, so that you can motivate and empower yourself to take the difficult small daily steps that will lead you from where you stand now to true north where your key to life waits for you to claim it.
• Recognize that you have all the ability in the world to overcome your eating disorder, and all that stands between you and a successful, sustained recovery experience is a bad case of ‘misdirected potential’. Once you begin to take all that intelligence, courage, determination, discipline, perseverance, creativity, sensitivity and passion for excellence and begin to use it AGAINST your ED, there is no telling how fast you will heal Turn the loaded cannon of all that misdirected potential around and point it at your ED, and fire away!
• Harness the power of your mind to become your ally in your fight to overcome your eating disorder. Turn your mind from your enemy into your ally. This means reasoning with your mind in the same way that a wise parent might reason with a stubborn, petulant and willful two-year old child. I used to very lovingly and patiently dialogue with my mind (in fact, I still do in trouble spots!) when it would introduce a desire such as ‘I’d like to purge now.’ Our dialogue from that point forward might sound something like this….I’d say to it, ‘Oh really? You want to purge? Well, you also want to be a famous singing star, right?’ My mind would answer, ‘Well, yes, I do.’ I would say to it, ‘Well, your producer won’t work with you if you purge because you can’t sing very well after a purge. So you have to choose – which is it, purging or singing?’ My mind would usually answer, ‘Oh, yes, I’d rather be a singing star so let’s not purge. Let’s go practice voice instead.’ You can get the drift…it is painstaking work, repetitive and challenging to maintain patience. But it WORKED for me, and continues to work today.
• Foster healthy, quality relationships. Relationships Replace Eating Disorders, period the end. The more healthy, affirming, loving, REAL relationships you have in your life, the less you will cling to the unhealthy ‘relationship’ you have with your eating disorder to cope with life’s stressors. We are all in this together. This is the human condition – we all have something. The ED is your ‘something’. We all have to fight for the right to fulfill our full potential as human beings. This is your fight. But there are fighters all around you, struggling towards the light just like you are. Allow yourself to be supported now, so that you can then turn around and support someone else one day who needs your help. Your healthy relationships (which may or may not necessarily be found with your family of origin at the present moment) can offer you something your ED cannot – unconditional love. Unconditional love is the most powerful and successful healer in the world. Nothing can compete with it. Including your ED.

This is the process that worked for me. It took me over a decade to create and follow these four simple steps, but I am living proof that it WORKS. Try it for yourself and see! Learn to be your own support, and allow yourself to begin to seek supportive communities that can support you while you do so. Ultimately, this is YOUR life, and YOUR healing journey, and it is up to you (once you are medically stable enough to do so) to CHOOSE.

Warmly, and with HOPE,

Shannon

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