Share What? Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. After a grueling two months of reviewing the Step 4 in this newsletter, we are ready to look at Step 5, in which we share our Step 4 efforts with ourselves, with God, and with another human being. “Share WHAT?” comes the refrain. “You mean I have to tell somebody all this stuff about why I resent people and what I’ve done that I’m not happy with?” Some words out of the book Alcoholics Anonymous come immediately to mind: “We thought we could find an easier, softer way, but we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough…” The truth is that, without following this step completely, we are often left holding bags of wriggling monsters that will surely get the best of us if we don’t give them to someone by sharing about them. Herein lies the beauty of this step, because in sharing the demons of our past, they cease to be the monsters we thought they were, and thereby cease to have the kind of power over us that drove us into addictive behaviors. We discover that thousands of others have followed very similar paths, with very similar actions, and very similar results. We are no longer alone duking it out with those demons. Of course, we have shared our inventory with ourselves – we wrote it down, didn’t we? True, but once completed, another careful read through the inventory will highlight important elements for us. We may find patterns of behavior as we read. We may also find that there are some new things that come to mind. Absolutely every resentment that can be remembered, every shameful deed, must be on the inventory for it to do any real good. We can combine this review with the God-sharing portion of Step 5. Before beginning the review, we can open our hearts to God’s guidance and love through a simple prayer. Express to your Higher Power your desire to have Spirit participate, listen, advise, and offer love and forgiveness. This can be a very powerful gift. I can remember thinking how foolish it was of me to believe I could withhold anything about me from God. God made me as I am. God has always been participating, has always seen every action, known every motive in me. Yet God is still present, God still cares. This sudden understanding as I prepared to complete Step 5 gave me a great sense of peace. I was happy to let God help me clean the cobwebs out of my attic and the gunk out of my pipes – maybe repair a few walls and fix the leaky roof too. Last, but certainly not least, is the sharing of the 4 th Step inventory with another human being. If you have a sponsor and you trust this sponsor to be discreet, knowing that things you have shared over time have never come back to you through other people, then your sponsor is the appropriate person to share with. If you have concerns about discretion, or if you do not have a sponsor (not recommended), a priest or therapist is a good alternative. But choose only one person with whom to share the ENTIRE inventory. Be sure that the person you are sharing with understands the purpose of what you are doing. It is most helpful if the person also has personal experience with your addiction(s) of choice, has demonstrated recovery, and has completed the 12 Steps successfully. What is the purpose of the 5 th Step? There are several elements. The first is complete honesty – the person you are sharing with should be free to ask you questions or to make observations, so long as they are presented gently and without judgment. The object is to ensure that you are looking at each incident clearly and are prepared to be honest about your own actions and motivations. The second is to search for patterns of behavior. For example, when I am overwhelmed, I tend to check out. The more work I have on my desk, the more likely I am to play computer games or Google for fascinating new info. I find it hard to cope until I break the work up into manageable pieces. This tendency to “cop out” is something I learned about during my own 5 th Step, and part of my recovery has been learning to recognize overload when I see it and then to ask for help in relieving the load or to break things down into what I must do today, and what could be left for tomorrow. The third is to begin taking responsibility for the part we played in each situation. It is obvious that a two-year-old who is beaten was without choice, but the 16-year-old who engages in abusive relationships with men does play a part. She may be driven by having been beaten as a small child, but her part is in perpetuating that old hurt. And last we look for a clear perspective. For example, my Germanic father was inclined to speak loudly and gruffly. It is just the way he speaks, but as a young person, I misinterpreted it often as being an attack on me personally. His actions, on the other hand, were generally loving, but I couldn’t see that until I began to understand that his heart and his mouth are not well connected. Today I love him deeply, because I see his actions and hear only his words, not the gruff tone in which they are often delivered. Most people feel some sense of relief after completing the 5 th Step. There is the brightly shining light of hope. Many of us leave the 5 th Step with a different perspective about ourselves and others – one of forgiveness and understanding. That is very freeing. Several of us have had big spiritual awakenings right after completing the 5 th Step. Every person’s experience is a little different. The only constant is that the 5 th Step must be thoroughly completed to ensure long-term recovery.
© Lynn Gerhard, 2008, Houston, TX If you would like to submit a question or idea for a topic you would like to see addressed in a future edition, please send it to Shannon c/o Good News HERE
|