Keys

I am in the process of moving right now. Moving is an interesting experience – notice I didn’t say ‘fun’ or ‘enjoyable’. But it IS very interesting! I have discovered things….in the attic, in my closets, in the garage (oh god the garage) that I forgot I had. Or never knew I had. Or both. I’m not even sure anymore.

The other day, during my cleaning and packing, I rediscovered a childhood passion. I looked down into a drawer and saw a big, bright, colorful pile of metal, and remembered with a start that I used to collect keys! I was a hunter-gatherer of keys, all sorts of keys. No key was too big or small, too old or ugly, too new and shiny. I vigilantly kept my eyes peeled for them, and each time I would find a new one, I would painstakingly add it onto whichever key ring still had room in my ever-expanding collection. I would beg old keys off of grandparents, neighbors, friends, parents, and each time we moved I would save the old house keys and add them to the collection. I have large keys, small keys, colorful keys, blank keys, antique keys, modern keys. I have round keys, square keys, triangular keys, even a couple of green hotel keys (for which I feel mildly guilty.) I also have suitcase keys, instrument case keys, safe keys, padlock keys, bicycle keys and broken keys.

To this day, I am still not quite sure why I did this. I certainly have little recollection of which key belonged to which lock. But as I examine the keys, I am aware of how many places I have visited, and how many people I have met, and how many things I have found precious. In addition, I become aware that each lock takes a different kind of key, and that once its key breaks, the lock becomes unusable as well. Each time I look at the keys, I also realize that each key has a personality all its own – a story all its own. I realize my appreciation for their uniqueness and wonder at it – at how, back in my key-collecting days, nothing would give me more joy than to find a key of a type I had never seen before!

Maybe this was a portent of things to come…as I collected keys so many years before I was to suffer from an eating disorder, and then eventually go on to recover and found Key to Life: unlocking the door to hope to encourage others to heal as well. Maybe it was a reminder that building a collection of anything – eating disordered behaviors, or new healthy coping skills, takes time. Maybe it was just a celebration of diversity – a gentle hint to remind myself of the kind of vision I would need, so many years later, in order to learn to love myself, my body and my life as it is.

All I really know for sure is that, in the years before my eating disorder took over, collecting keys was something I loved to do. How many other pastimes, passions, and pleasures yet await for me to rediscover them. I don’t even know! But I do know that this is one of the true joys of recovered life – to rediscover life itself, one day, one small move at a time.

Shannon

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