I will first say that I am proud of you for the decision you made, and the success you have achieved in your own recovery. Way to go!

However, the issue you bring up regarding usage of the terms ‘in recovery’ vs. ‘recovered’ may fundamentally be more one of semantics than anything else – without knowing firsthand what a person means when they use either term, it is hard to determine where they are coming from and what they are trying to communicate in saying that they are ‘in recovery’ or that they are ‘recovered’.

I can tell you that I use both terms interchangeably, at different times and for different reasons, because I believe that both apply to me. Let me explain – and again I will preface this by saying that the terminology we use is a matter of personal interpretation and choice, and it is more important to know for ourselves why we choose to describe our recovery in a certain way than it is to try to understand or control how others use the terminology. It would be great to have a ‘standard’ recovery vocabulary we can reference to know that our meaning will be conveyed accurately to others – something similar to the DSM-IV diagnostic criteria that medical professionals all over the world can turn to to find a consistent medical basis for making diagnoses. But we don’t have that vocabulary yet, and it is not critical for us to have it, so long as WE know why we are describing our recovery journey in the language we choose to use.

So – why do I use both terms interchangeably? When I say I am ‘in recovery’, I am acknowledging that my DNA and extensive past exposure to eating disordered behaviors means I will struggle on some level with the temptation to return to the eating disorder for the rest of my life. It will always be there, waiting for me to return to it in a moment of weakness. I am IN recovery because the fellowship, strength and courage I have cultivated over the years by participating in that community strengthens me to make sure that does not happen even when I am at my weakest.

When I say I am ‘recovered’, I am acknowledging that I no longer practice my eating disordered behaviors. Even when thoughts and ideas pop up in my mind, I quickly disregard them as irrelevant and unimportant because I have moved on. I am aware, informed, and armed with other coping skills that I can call upon at a moment’s notice to help me through tough times. I am living my life, involved in meaningful work, relationships, hobbies and rest time, and I am ‘driving the bus’ of my life – the eating disorder doesn’t even have a hand on the wheel any more.

Saying I am ‘in recovery’, to me at least, acknowledges that we all have something – we are all recovering from something in this life. For me it is an eating disorder. For someone else it might be something else. Those of us ‘in recovery’ are committed to a lifetime of working to strengthen our ties to LIFE, to HEALTH, and to PERSONAL CHOICE, and we do that by maintaining relationships with one another, supporting those who are newer to recovery than we are, and continuously unfolding and deepening our own relationships with ourselves and our appreciation of who we uniquely are.

Saying I am ‘recovered’, to me, acknowledges that I have taken my life back – irrevocably – from that thing in life that was most harmful to me, and that I have emerged from the ‘recovery chrysalis’ largely transformed, renewed, restored and actively, pro-actively, living the life that I have been given to live. I have found meaning in life that has no ties to my eating disorder. I have found purpose and passion that is totally free from my eating disorder, and my consistent, daily thoughts and emotions reflect that freedom. When I am engaged in thought, relationships or creative/vocational pursuits, it is to further my life goals, not my eating disorder.

Make sense? You, like each of us, have to decide what each term means to you, and use each in integrity with your personal sense of meaning for each. And since both being ‘in recovery’ and being ‘recovered’ means dropping our need for comparisons to others, even in how they are managing and expressing their recovery journeys, it sounds like part of your work will either be to channel your (what sounds like) anger or frustration into productive ideas to help others better define, express and strengthen where they are in recovery, or to simply withdraw from allowing yourself to get caught up in strong emotions over how others are dealing with their eating disorders.

I hope this is helpful. Thank you for bringing such an important topic to the table!

Shannon

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